Wow! As always you express some deep, powerful emotion and phenomenal imagery too! Mercy!
As has been said, you really have us feel this pain and anger; anger and frustration for both the pain as well as towards yourself.
I can honestly relate with you in some ways as i have said before because of my own experiences in my life with being suicidal in the past, with my diagnoses of obsessive-compulsive disorder and bi-polar, I take meds, i do therapy. I'm not ashamed to say so on the site; i have already anyway.
But that's why i can relate with some of this. And you're right, nothing can ever make it completely go away. But as you already know, there is a lot out there than can help make it more comfortable to deal with.
I hope it helps some to write this out. You do an awesome job, you are a phenomenal writer. Take care.