This screams to me of that feeling of being in limbo so to speak, not knowing where you're at, what's going on,and what's going to happen. It's scary feeling exposed and vulnerable like this, scary and confusing as hell. And it makes you damn angry too when everything has once again been turned upside down on your state of being.
It really will get better if you want it and if you let it; this is a horrendously difficult thing to go through but you are never alone. (hugs) Take care! --Mike