:wave

Hello Therese - Im a bloody and inexperienced newbie here, so my comments may be off and our seniors may correct me, just see it as the view of somebody who is not much into poetry, right?


I like the idea that spring conquers a city and moves in with force very much, like your first line suggests. Vapour symbolises quite well the moistness it brings with it after the dry winter air.

However somehow I seem not to understand your intention.

For your line 2 sets me a bit back: antiseptic is not fresh, it always reminds me on hospitals and illness.
L3: How does spring destroy weeds? Everything is growing.
L4: She - the spring? Or should it be it. But it is a nice twist to personalise the spring and show it as a woman. Reminds me on this famous antique (roman?) picture with the white lady on a green background who has a cornucopia in her arms and is distributing flowers.
L8: Sterile blooms again - blooms are not sterile, I seem to miss something.
L9: I like the image of a spring tune, fits well, even if you have intended it to be ironic (Im not sure about that),

Now to rhythm and rhyme. As I said, Im very new here, so I can only tell you my impression.

Rhyme: I always thought, that one should use rhyme with purpose or leave it entirely. Seed doesnt rhyme with weeds. You use another pair as well, but for the rest of the poem you use no rhyme at all, that is a bit distracting. I look out for other rhymes, and there are none. I know, that it is possible, but if I have stances with abca, I know, that I can only wait for the a rhyme. Or sometimes a rhyme is used in a poem which doesnt rhyme on purpose to intensify a feeling etc, but I see nothing like this here.

Rhythm: Im very inexperienced with free style poems, but I have difficulties with reading it, it just doesnt flow. Im stumbling in nearly every line.

I underlined the words where I thought the stress could be, but I might be wrong.

L1: Spring moves in like a strong vapor
L2: With an antiseptic smell taking seed

This "like a " is a syllable too much and disturbs the flow, I'm not sure, if I should read vapor
Line 2 needs a stress on taking, but smell needs one as well, so I'm confused. I think I leave the rest to others, I don't want to go entirely wrong here ;)


Destroying living and deathly weeds
While flourishing flowers never toil
She plants herself solemnly in soil
Traveling down the city street very neat
Dancing she lays down her polished bag
A brilliant case of sterile buds and blooms
Oh how so merry is Spring's fresh tune...

Hope I didn't discourage you, but look at my revisions, they are quite lengthy as well :D (thanks to those patient people here)
***Astropic of the day***

""For me there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly." ~Don Juan