Hi, CV :) I see the cat has crept into your Rondeau again! Just a few thoughts for you here. Hope you find them helpful!

Speaking only limited German myself, it's not always easy for me to know exactly what word you're really looking for. You might find some use for this German/English translation site.

My understanding of what you're looking to get across in your opening line (and subsequently, the refrain) is: It's only a cat, and so it doesn't really matter. But, of course, we all know it does matter ... at least to the speaker. Am I on track? Or no?

I think your opening line gets this thought across, but does it very awkwardly as far as the phrasing goes. I'd also note you have 9 syllables in this line as opposed to the 8 found in the following lines. You also begin this line with a stressed syllable. This may have been intentional (I don't know your intent!), but to me, it's jarring, as the following lines all seem to begin with an unstressed syllable.

For me, this line wants to say: "It's just a cat. I will not weep!" -- though I wouldn't necessarily suggest that as a replacement. I don't think you have to say the cat is dead in your opening ... rather, let the poem reveal that.

S1 L4 - "so many friends who me admire" The inversion in this line ("who me admire" rather than "who admire me") comes across very awkwardly for me and reads as something done only to accomplish the rhyme. An alternate could be "that I admire" ... afterall, having a wealth of friends to admire is of equal value to being admired by others.

S1 L5 -- "Dolour denied - it starts to seep" This line bothers me because it feels as though you've abandoned the thought halfway through. It starts to seep .... where? Does it seep into the rest of your life? I think this could be a very effective line if you were to enjamb into the next stanza and continue with the thought. Of course, that would mean re-working L1 of S2, but I think it would be well worth it.

S2 L3 -- "all feelings off, will them retire" Again, the inversion in this line ("will them retire" instead of "will retire them") doesn't come across well for me, personally.

S3 L3 -- "is given still, my heart beats higher" This is a tricky line because my own accent is definitely coming into play! Up to this point, all of your "b" rhymes were 1 1/2 syllable words which can easily be made to fit into your rhythm. For me, "higher" is generally a more drawn out word and reads as two syllables, which is causing me to stumble here. Other opinions will probably tell you differently!

S3 L4 -- "till I awake and then I tire" This line reads too simply for me. I think there's a lot more that could be done with it. I'd also suggest a full stop rather than comma after "still" in L3. I think the image of the "four black paws" leaping into your dreams is wonderful -- it gives a very visual aspect to an emotional topic. Well done on that!

I think with a bit or work and polish, this will come across very well. I like the concept you've used very much -- saying "it's only a cat", when clearly it is not only anything! Anyone who loves their pets (as I do!) surely understands that.

Hope there's a bit of help for you here :)


Anyone can write of beauty -- of life, friendship, love everlasting -- but it is those rare, brave souls who dare to live their words that are the true poets of the universe. That is where true beauty lies. ~JaML