The first part of this one is very vivid, with the colours of the bird really standing out.

The volta is powerful, but the real question I have here is how the two parts of the piece link with each other. The Octet in this case seems self-contained; a clear, visual depiction of a bird in full plumage. The human element does not seem to come in until the sestet, and perhaps the abruptness of this change is what is throwing me. I see from the footnotes that the intent is to show Man vs Nature, but there is no interaction between the two until this point; the only hint might be the shadow in L6, but even that is ambiguous. There is then a sudden shift from "cavalier" to "dominate", and we are shifted into an entirely different scene.

I think this poem has much to say, but it reads to me like two separate poems put together rather than one coherent whole. I don't think it needs a lot to change that, but it's not quite working for me.

One other minor comment - L11 - the apostrophe in "wind's" - not sure it is needed here; this looks like it should be a simple plural.


Every new beginning comes from
some other beginnings end...

Why not try a new beginning...
at The Maelstrom...