Wow! An excellent critique! This is an older one of mine, and now it is time to do some work on it!!! Thanks for the insightful comments, I have much to learn from them.

Regarding the caesura, enjambment and end-stopping lines: I am still quite the amateur. I have not fully grasped the reigns of meter and flow, and when I wrote this one I was VERY green; that may be contributory to the adolescent tone as well. I have reunited with a linguistics friend of mine who made similar criticisms... valid through and through! :o

By the way, rules for caesuras, end-stopping and enjambment are sketchy at best. Would you say that one ought aim to have the caesura at the end of a line where a rhyme occurs? And ought one enjamb seldomely? These paradigms were tacit ehind my friends comments, and seem to be operative with yours...

Thanks for the time and comments! Oh, and a warm welcome to the Rapids!

Cat