Hello Thea,


Oh yes indeed! These last revisions are wonderful... I know what you mean about losing the "Last night' it does add something more to the scene ... However, I do love your choice of canty, both for meaning and alliteration. This is smoothing out very nicely and without losing the delighting meaning through out.

I like stared much better. Gasped is more of a sound someone makes like in fear or surprise, but the image that stared allows me is the narrator, sitting there, in complete disbelief, jaw slightly dropped and eyes wide and glowing in a more enchanted surprise than one of negative, which gasp sort of leads me toward. You've done quite well with your revisions.

I also like the inclusion of 'splendid' if an alternative comes up I will return to offer it, but right now it adds that sense of charmed tone to the narrators expression.

I think I will give this form a try! ;)
I enjoyed working with you on this and I think it is created with skill, talent and a great sense rhythm and rhyme. I look forward to more of your poetry!

Best Wishes, Liz

(PS Nice to meet you Thea! )