Liz!

New version (gave up colouring), how is this one?


1 My canty cat had said to me
2 (while sitting on my wooden desk
3 where I was writing a burlesque)
4 If only you could clearly see
5 the many colours of my flea,
6 for then you'd know without a doubt-
7 its splendid look will knock you out.
8 I stared at her with growing awe,
9 she smiled, then offered her left paw -
10 the flea, I fear it was a scout!


I changed the first line as proposed, though I miss the last night, it added the feeling that all happened when it was dark outside. Brassy I didnt like too much for the first word which appeared when I checked it in my dictionary was ordinary. I hope this scottish word is ok as well.

I turned your other proposal around a bit, for I wanted that the cat says all this. Marked it now, so that it is clearer. Dont know, if I should replace splendid, but I lack the feeling which words are less worn out.

I replaced the "looked" in line 8 with "stared", would "gasped" be better?

Thanks again!

- Thea