Hello Again,

I am so glad that Beth came in on this as well. The poem is so delightful that I would hate for you to lose the innocence and enchantment of the poem. I also was going to mention the ponder/wonder -

Some further thoughts toward your revisions!

Best Regards, Liz ...



Quote:
Last night my cute cat said to me

Perhaps... something a little more spicy than 'cute' ... How about ...

My brassy cat had said to me-


(while sitting on my wooden desk
where I was writing a burlesque)
If you could only clearly see


Perhaps..
If only you could clearly see

(for steady meter)


the many colours of my flea
then you would surely without doubt

and then you'd know without a doubt-
again to soften the meter...


be charmed and rapt, you would not shout.

Perhaps here.. 'her charming ways will knock you out'


I looked at her with growing awe,
she smiled, then offered her left paw,
the flea - I fear it was a scout!





These are only suggestions that you may use or lose, please feel free to use what you would like.

Best Regards, Liz