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Posts: 219
Sep 27 06 5:23 PM
Maelstrom Pilot
Quote:A cats sapienceMy lovely cat once said to me(while sitting on my wooden deskwhere I was writing a burlesque):If you could only clearly see L1: Perhaps another alternative word for Lovely. Something that is more personal of 'your' cat. Something more descriptive to offer the reader a visual of this specific cat, or a personality trait of the cat ... and/or perhaps something to enhance the idea that this cat is so special it speaks to you. Also would suggest omitting 'once' because the rest of the stanza specify that this happened during this specific moment. The narrator's tone doesn't show any surprise or incling that this is odd for the cat to speak, which I found a delightful inclusion of the poem. Example: My Calico cat said to me Of course, Calico is just to example a means... The rest is a great follow up. the many colours of my fleathen you too would surely ponderto purchase such a noble wonder. L5; great twist. Colors of a flea. Loved this! I looked at her with growing awe,so she put smiling her left pawonto my arm. Who could be fonder?L9; feels very awkward. Perhaps.. She smiled, then offered her left paw,I saw her flea flitting yonder. This is a weak suggestion, but perhaps it might stir a more stronger idea within your own muse. Loved the poem. It is such a delightful treasure.
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